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I am going to be totally transparent about this video. If you read the original caption, you will notice I sounded exactly like a late night television host trying to sell you a synthetic mop. My followers immediately sensed the unnatural shift in tone. They scrolled right past. A half percent engagement rate is the internet giving me a polite reminder to stick to my actual voice.

The video shows me inflating a shallow, ribbed plastic raft in my yard. It is basically an adult kiddie pool designed for laying out. You put a few inches of water in the bottom to keep your back cool while you read or nap. Honestly, the product itself is perfectly fine if you live in a place without a real pool. It fits nicely on a small patch of grass.

There is one incredibly specific catch you should know before buying one. Because the water is so shallow, the sun heats it up ridiculously fast. After forty minutes on a warm day, you are essentially marinating in lukewarm yard soup. Getting the water out is also a bit of a comedy routine. You have to awkwardly squash the inflated sides down with your knees to flood the lawn.

Nobody cared about this video because I tried to sell them a flawless aesthetic instead of sharing the messy reality. I should have just filmed myself trying to dump the lukewarm water out.