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I opened this video by shoving the box of Christmas mystery glitter dumplings right into the camera lens. I usually do this so you can see exactly what the packaging looks like before you hand over your credit card. These are basically squishy stress toys shaped like little holiday characters. The filling is made of malt sugar instead of that typical watery slime. That gives them a really satisfying dense texture that resists a toddler pinch beautifully.

My honest verdict is that they are surprisingly tough but absolutely relentless at collecting floor lint. You will be rinsing them in the kitchen sink by day two. There is one detail I completely obsessed over while filming. If you look closely at the green tree dumpling, you can see a tiny air bubble trapped near the top point. When you squish the base, all the internal glitter rushes into that little pocket like a miniature snow globe. It is oddly mesmerizing.

The video itself totally flopped. It barely scraped past two hundred views and the engagement was basically nonexistent. I posted this in mid-September. People were still sweating in shorts or thinking about Halloween candy. Nobody was ready to look at a Christmas stocking stuffer yet. I also aimed my first sentence directly at stressed parents, but I forgot to give them a reason to stay. There was no curiosity gap to keep them watching past the three-second mark. Next time I will wait until November to break out the festive toys.