My immune system has never had to fight for its life because I never give germs the opportunity.

If you clicked play on this one, you found me standing at the municipal playground with a massive pack of antibacterial wipes in hand. You can watch me physically scrubbing down the plastic steering wheel on the play structure before I let my nephew anywhere near it. I am definitely not pretending to be that chill aunt who embraces the whole natural immunity concept. I scrub the slide, the monkey bars, the little tic-tac-toe spinners, and the swing chains.

My honest verdict is that spending five minutes disinfecting the playground is entirely worth avoiding a week of stomach bugs. Everyone loves to tell you to let kids eat dirt. I respectfully disagree when it comes to public spaces covered in mystery grime. Watch my face at the fifteen second mark. You will notice I am actively holding my breath while wiping down the enclosed tunnel slide. That was completely involuntary. It is just my natural reflex when confronted with the scent of stale juice boxes.

The video itself only got around five hundred views, but the engagement rate was unusually high. The comment section basically turned into a support group for caregivers who feel secretly judged for their aggressive hand sanitizer habits. Framing extreme cleanliness as a weird personal flex made my fellow germaphobes feel perfectly validated. We know we are a little ridiculous, but we refuse to apologize for wanting clean hands.